


an appropriate distance

by poalimal



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Communication, Depression, F/M, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Multi, Polyamory Negotiations, Racism, Unreliable Narrator, What's Eating Chillbert Grape?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-20
Updated: 2019-04-20
Packaged: 2020-01-20 16:30:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18528838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poalimal/pseuds/poalimal
Summary: 'You can be hard to read sometimes,' Chris murmurs.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> 'The Man I Love and the Woman He Loves': Studying Non-Monogamous Relationships in Derek Nurse's _The Poplar's Wane_.

 

[ _Monday, November 6 2023, 3.14PM PST._ ]

'You can be hard to read sometimes,' Chris murmurs. Derek looks away from his phone for a minute. Chris's eyes are closed, he's leaning his head back against the couch seat, his chin bristly and unshaved. He's smiling a little, too, like he meant what he said, but he wants Derek to think he's joking.

'Hard to read,' Derek says blankly.

'Mm. Yea.' Chris shakes his head, breathes out a little through his mouth. His lips...

Derek puts his phone down. Even when they've finished kissing, Chris still keeps his eyes closed.

'I'm an open book,' says Derek.

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

[ _Wednesday, May 15 2024, 1.22PM PST_.]

'Look, I know you and my brother were really close in college,' says Kelly, 'but things are different now. And I'm not saying this to be mean, you know that I like you, I'm just looking at this from the media's perspective. A white wife is different from a black boyfriend. And Chris is going to have a hard enough time of it, even if you were keeping an appropriate distance.'

 

* * *

 

[ _Friday, June 7 2024, 8.15AM PST_.]

Cait texts him: _thinking of youuuuu_ , followed by a selfie of Chris pouting at the camera.

Derek grins down at his screen before he remembers.

He forgets to reply.

 

* * *

 

[ _Friday, October 11 2024, 7.20PM PST_.]

Impossibly, _The Poplar's Wane_ , which Derek hated writing every single letter of, lands on several bestselling lists. Chris uses his spare key powers to throw a surprise party.

'Euh, congratulations!' Dex yells, a half-beat ahead of everyone else. Derek blinks in the sudden light and loudness of his living room. Eventually, he remembers to unwind himself from the guy he picked up at the bar down the street.

He is very surprised.

'Hey, congrats again!' says Cait in the kitchen, arms tangling around Chris's neck. 'Chris was so proud.'

'Ha,' says Derek, ducking his head, 'thanks, guys.'

'Cait,' Chris murmurs. He looks annoyed.

'What?' Cait giggles. Her cheeks are all flushed. God, he misses eating her out. 'Don't be embarrassed.'

'I'm not embarrassed,' Chris says, looking straight ahead. 'I just hate when you talk about me like I'm not right here.'

They start bickering. Uneasy, Derek wanders back into the living room, where the guy from the bar is crowded around the television with Adam and Linda, offering insightful commentary on whatever the fuck they're watching. Ah - Poirot, of course. Because what else would you do at 7.30PM on a Friday night, other than watch Poirot?

'Sorry,' says Derek, tugging on the guy's arm, 'can I steal this guy for a sec?'

'Oh, sure!' says Linda, pleasantly. Always so pleasant, Linda.

'Nice talking with you, _Toby_ ,' Adam says pointedly. Derek shoots him a quick grateful look. Adam truly is his Forever Bro.

'Fuckin' Poirot,' Derek mutters, once they're in his room.

'Oh, I love Poirot,' says Apparently Toby. Derek can feel his interest flagging. He doesn't want the little details.

'Sure, me too,' says Derek. 'Pass me the lube?'

 

* * *

 

[ _Saturday, October 12 2024, 10.24AM PST_.]

Apparently Chris stayed over, Derek sees, letting Toby out the next morning. Still not over his weird mood, though. He even cleaned Derek's kitchen, what the fuck. Are he and Cait still fighting?

'Dude,' says Derek, pushing his hair out of his eyes, 'what's eating Chillbert Grape?'

'I am really not in the mood, Derek,' Chris says, still facing the sink. Derek blinks at his back.

'Oh-kay. Well. Why don't you tell me why you're upset,' says Derek, leaning onto the kitchen counter, 'and I can tell you whether you deserve to be made fun of over it.' He takes a long, satisfying swallow of Chris's water bottle.

Chris turns around, and looks at him, really looks at him; and he knows that he won't be able to turn this into a joke.

Chris says, 'Derek... Cait wants to get married.'

'Oh,' says Derek. He swallows. He puts the water bottle down. 'That's-- that's awesome, dude! When's the date?'

'We obviously--! Derek!' Derek rears upright, startled. Chris closes his eyes briefly and blows out a hard breath. 'We obviously haven't decided yet. Why are you acting like this has nothing to do with you?'

'Because it-- doesn't?' Derek says, silently panicking. 'Listen, if this-- if this is about what I said the other night, I, I really, sincerely apologise, okay? I really did not mean to say... what I said.'

'You didn't mean to say you love me or you didn't mean it? Which is it, Derek?' says Chris. God, he gets nasty when he's angry. 'I obviously know you fucking love me, Derek--don't look away. Don't look away. I am obviously still in fucking love with you, and Cait still obviously knows every single fucking detail of our fucking piss-poor excuse of a relationship. As we agreed! Every year! For the last three fucking years!'

Piss-poor excuse of a relationship, huh. 'Chris, I don't know who the fuck you think you're talking to, but you need to lower your voice right now if you want to continue this conversation,' says Derek. 'That's one. Two, do you think I'm a _fucking_ mindreader?' Chris's eyes flash. 'Am I supposed to just-- read your mind and _sense_ that you want to continue fucking me on the side for the rest of your life? Really?'

'On the _side_?' Chris hisses. 'Are you kidding me? You're the one who moved out!'

Derek throws his hands up. 'I am _closer_! To _campus_! How many times do I have to say this to you?'

'Oh, and does that stop you from texting Cait back? Does that stop you from talking to me? Does that stop you from not hooking up with random fucking men when you know I can hear you?'

'I am keeping,' Derek heaves, 'an appropriate distance. All right?'

Chris pauses. Narrows his eyes. '--Who asked you to?' he says.

'What?' Derek says, breathing hard. He wishes, abruptly, that he were wearing more than boxers and a ratty old bathrobe. He takes a step back.

Chris follows him, and keeps following him until he's pressed up against the fridge. Derek shivers.

'Who asked you... to keep an appropriate distance?' Chris murmurs. The warmth of his body flushing up Derek's chest. ''Cus I've never heard you use those words together before in your life. I know where I have heard them before, though.'

'I,' says Derek, humiliated, shaking his head, 'i, it's just a phrase, Chris. It doesn't mean anything.'

'It doesn't mean anything, huh,' Chris repeats, nodding. 'Then you won't mind if I touch you. Hm? You won't mind if I kiss you?'

Derek is tired of bad kissing, of mediocre sex with weird strangers whose names he always forgets. So he loses his mind for a solid seven minutes, guilty and glad, and lets himself kiss Chris.

And then he remembers himself.

He remembers the looks Cait's parents exchanged when he woke up beside Chris and accidentally interrupted their Skype call. He remembers his father asking him point blank, all those months ago, when he was going to start his own life instead of piggybacking off his best friend's. He remembers that terrible fucking lunch with Kelly.

So he pulls away. And Chris lets him - Chris raises his hands and takes a step back.

'If this is what you really want,' he says, 'I won't push. I'll give you the out. But I need you to tell me straight out that you don't want to be with me anymore. No more avoiding this. Tell me to my face that what I want with you doesn't matter anymore. Tell me that you don't want to try to make it work.'

Derek blinks hard. What you want doesn't matter anymore, he thinks. I don't want to try to make it work.

 

* * *

 

[ _Tuesday, April 13 2021, 11.39PM EST_.]

Dex is asleep. The roach-- ('Are you trapped in the 70s?' Lardo always says. 'Why do you call it a roach?') --the _roach_ is two passes past dead. But Chris is beside him, warm and awake, staring out the window at the stars. Holding his hand.

Chris's hands are always cold, Derek muses. He really never gets enough iron in his diet. Never gets enough of anything in his diet.

Derek feels something like a dark cloud begin to cover his head. He lets out a little sigh and tries to keep perspective. It's a good night for a crappy high, to be honest. No practice in the morning, History of Ceramics has been rescheduled, he can cry all day long if he wants to.

'When I'm with you,' Chris says slowly, 'I feel like I can do anything. Like, even the hard things aren't so bad.'

Derek grunts, hiding his face in his other hand. Now all he's got to do is get rid of this guy. 'Love you, too,' he says, bleak.

'Cait thinks so,' says Chris. Their hands unravel. Chris rolls closer till he's lying on top of Derek's arm. 'She says I'm probably in love with you, too.'

Derek laughs. 'Funny,' he says, and he means it.

'She's hilarious, isn't she,' Chris murmurs. 'But I think she's right.'

'Oh, yea?' says Derek, shrugging Chris off and pushing himself up on his elbows. And then, because he feels bold, because Chris has let him laugh off more incriminating shit than this, because he's been warming this dude's hand for the past _hour_ without complaint, he says: 'Is this about whether she's right? Or is this about you actually owning up to how you feel?'

Chris blushes. 'Both,' he says. 'But I haven't really owned up to anything yet, have I?'

'N-ope,' Derek says, sitting all the way up. Ergh. Dizzy.

'Ok,' says Chris, sitting up, too. 'How's this? I like you a lot, I like your laugh and your mouth a lot, my girlfriend likes you, too. Do you want to be with me?'

'Uhh, sure, sure. Yea, that sounds fine,' Derek says, casually, tipping backwards.

'Nursey!' Chris exclaims, leaning over him. The ceiling light looks like a halo behind his head. 'Are you ok? Did you hit your head?'

'I'm fine,' says Derek, blinking back tears. He reaches up with his hands to touch Chris's mouth; Chris warms his fingers with his tongue. 'I'm good, I'm golden.'

 

* * *

 

[ _Saturday, October 12 2024, 10.47AM PST_.]

'I'm sorry,' Derek admits. 'I shouldn't have shut you out. What you want with me matters... and I want to make this work.'

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

_[Saturday, May 29 2027, 1.53AM PST_ ]

The door opens - the light falls on Derek's face first. He squeezes his eyes shut. Chris's steps slow and stop before the bed. Derek feels Cait sit up and lean over him for a kiss. She whispers something, he burrows under his pillow, Chris whispers back.

Derek feels the possibility of returning to sleep slipping sweetly through his fingers. 'I want you to know,' he says, still underneath his pillow, 'that I hate you both.'

Chris sits down beside Derek. 'Sorry, babe, didn't mean to wake you,' he whispers. A likely story - Derek can hear him smiling. 'Can I see your face? I've missed you.'

'I missed you, too,' he grumbles. He flops his face atop his pillow and rolls onto his side. Finally, he peeks an eye open. Chris's beard looks better up close, but it's still pretty bad. Ah, well. He's been roasted enough. Besides, Derek really has missed him, crappy beard and all. 'Nice save in the second period,' he says, stretching out for a hug.

Chris leans down and gives him a kiss, too. 'Oh, which one?'

'All of them,' says Derek. 'I think I might owe you one, actually. How many close saves was it? Cait, you kept count, right?'

Cait and Chris share a moment of meaningful eye contact.

'Eight,' Cait lies shamelessly. 'It was definitely eight.' Derek groans, laughing; Chris starts to kiss down the side of his neck.

'Sorry, but I'm gonna have to split the difference between you,' he says, sighing, 'there's no way I can give eight blowjobs in one night, Chris, I'm old now.'

'You're like, 7 months older, calm down,' Chris murmurs, smiling against his back. 'And I wouldn't know what to do with eight blowjobs in one night anyway. Just relax, ok? you don't even have to do anything.' Cool hands slide up his hips. 'Just let me do all the work, huh?

I've got you, Derek - I've got you.'

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Yamashita Tomoko is very difficult to read translations of. You get the feeling that you've walked into the middle of a long conversation between two old friends you'll never know very well. Anyway - I found her tone inspiring.  
> \- Kudos to Derek for leaving extremely early from his own surprise party.  
> \- I didn't even bother glancing at canon to get a sense of timeline, so I am certain that these dates are very much off.


End file.
